Wut the clans are REALLY like
by Mountainshinedamedcat
Summary: Thunderclan goody four paws Shadowclan evil baddies aka dark forest 2.0 Riverclan graceful swimmers Windclan RUN! Skyclan tree climbers Zzzzzzzzzzz Or ARE THEY? *notice that everything is totally random and may or may not make sense please don't judge
1. The clans in battle

Hi people mountainshine here i haven't been writing for a loooooooong time so my skills are a bit rusty.

please don't judge, sit back, and enjoy !

lets just start shall we?

riverclan:

great at water combat! ( but seriously no other clans are stupid enough to fight in water )

(actually , thunderclan use to do that but whatever)

constantly fighting over a pile of rocks with completely no prey on it

so graceful, probably knows how to dance fight

( "you want these rocks ? you need to DANCE FOR IT!" " wadda ya mean, we need to DANCE?!

windclan:

quick to get INTO the battle

quick IN the battle

quick to get OUT of the battle...

two seconds later...

thunderclan in mid combat ' where IS everyone?!'

shadowclan:

great at fighting in the dark

overcrowding with young cats

actually quite nice when you come to know them ( tawnypelt cough cough tawnypelt )

thunderclan :

GREAT MEDICAL BACKUP!

according to the books , can basically win ever battle...

can/will get over excited ( stupid lionblaze )

skyclan:

"HELP!"

"BUT IM NOT READY YET!"

"OH LOOK THE SUN IS SETTING GONNA GO BACK TO MY HOUSEFOLK!"

"guys! come back!"

random rogue ' where IS everyone?!'

thunderclan ' hey! that's OUR LINE!'

i will add new chapters whenever i have time, probably twice a week. thanks for reading anyway!


	2. the clans in a nutshell

last time we talked about wut the clans look like in _battle , _and this time we will have an overview of their clan.

do sit back, and enjoy

**thunderclan**

half the clan are medicine cats

highest rate of forbidden couples

firestar almighty

**windclan**

can run really fast

many of them have anger issues

supposingly rabbits make you fat, but they are pretty skinny

**shadowclan**

Eats EVERYTHING ( frogs , lizards , rats ... i mean, LIZARDS!?)

apprentices everywhere , yet no one wants to be a medicine cat

(poor littlecloud)

**riverclan**

**Don't ever fall in love with them they will die and leave you all alone.**

**Skyclan**

after getting kicked out of their home twice...

" this is the worst trade deal ever, perhaps the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals."

(quoting Donald trump )

and...CUT!

well, I'd say the description is quite accurate !

see ya peeps in another chapter!


	3. Cookie star needs to be more aware

Let's take a look at crookedstar's promise:

mapleshade : my kits died!that's outrageous!

(sees random kit ) I'm gonna make his life miserable by telling him everyone everyone is going to die!

BWA HA HA!

crookedstar( you know what let's just call him cookie star because autocorrect is driving me crazy):

I see a random she cat! I'm going to make a random promise! I'm sure it won't lead to any coincidence whatsoever!

mountain shine: STRANGER DANGER COOKIE NOOOO

rainflower: my kit looks ugly! I'm gonna ignore him for the rest of his life!

brambleberry: and there i thought i was never going to be a mother...

mountain shine eating popcorn: this is even better than a Korean soap opera!


	4. Hamlet, family relationshipandflattenfur

wut the super editions are basically about ( part 1):

tallstar's revenge

tallstar: I have no evidence whatsoever, but I'm sure sparrow killed my dad! don't worry dad! i'll help you take revenge on him !

mountainshine grabs back her popcorn taken by ivystorm(a buddy): do you realise that if you kill him your dad would have died for nothing?...

Hamlet + cats + gay = our brilliant tallstar's revenge

oh , and a mom who is constantly having a mental breakdown.

bluestar's prophecy

mom? dead

sister? dead

dad? who? the one who led the patrol just now?

no wait that's adderfang

uncle? crazy old bat

brother in law? busy trying to take over the world

husband? somewhere over the river

kits? two of them is now her rival, the other is her ancestor

hotel? _**TRIVAGO**_

( on the bright side, her nephew is still alive )

WOW. it's amazing that she didn't lose her mind. poor bluestar .

goosefeather : hey you forgot about my prophecy!

mountainshine : RIGHT. there was also a prophecy. some nonsense about flatten fur and destroying herbs.

goosefeather : NO THE OTHER ONE!

mountainshine : you mean _fire alone will save our clan?_

goosefeather : that's SPOTTEDLEAF'S PROPHECY!

mountainshine : yeah whatever we're moving on.

yellowfang's secret

so apparently the erins can't think of any way to make her give up her role as a warrior so they gave her "powers( ITS A** CURSE** )" to feel others pain. No wonder she's always so cranky when cats come into the medicine den .

yellowfang groaning as russetfur comes in with a wretched shoulder : thanks a bunch erin hunter

and...

son kills dad. then he got killed by HIS son . his son killed his uncle and aunt. his mom kills him. eventually.

mountainshine: wut a COLOURFUL family! if i ever go on a study trip there, I'll choose them as my host family. i hope i get a nice funeral . with lots and lots of popcorn.

by the way, SHOUTOUT TO IVYSTORMRANDOMNESS! SHE WRITES REALLY GOOD FANFICS!

*and "borrows" my popcorn every no and then


	5. google translate part1

google translate is a very useful tool, as it can translate gibberish (to you , anyway) into something _readable ._But after too many translation, the sentence you were translating gets , well ,**wonky **. Now lets see what the brilliant google translate can do to the prophecies from starclan!

1\. fire alone can save our clan

a bunch of translations later...

Not only help to fire up us ( whatever that means )

2\. darkness air water and sky will come together and shake the forest to its roots

a bunch of translations later...

Put it on and start using it, Kristin Skogrotina (who's THAT?!)

3\. nothing will be the same nor it has been before (the sentence is too long so i broke it up)

a bunch of translations later...

net front

mountainshine choking on popcorn : WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

OK folks if you want more translation, remember to read the coming chapter , which will be out by hopefully tomorrow!


	6. Google translate part2

ok everyone let's continue with 'starclan prophecies after google translate'!

4\. there will be three kin of your kin who will hold the power of stars in their paws

a bunch of translations later...

you want to focus on these threes families while maintaining the power of the stars in the background (#firestarthestagecrew)

5\. Four will become two the lion will fight the tiger and blood will rule the forest

a bunch of translations later...

four stalls: two lions and tigers and one blood forest committee

i seriously have no idea what that means. if you do, please pm me.

6\. Embrace what you find in the shadows for only they can clear the sky

a bunch of translations later...

tomorrow will know why hugs

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAVE I DONE TO OUR BEAUTIFUL PROPHECIES!

you know what? lets do firestar as well!

floor

_floor_

FLOOR

**FLOOR**

_**FLOOR**_

Ok im outta here


	7. ashielocks and thethreeandsquirrelflight

ok guys this story won't be any more lists, cuz it's in paragraphs. tell me if you like it and maybe I'll write more stories like this one. let's start.

ashielocks and the three , well , three. and squirrelflight aka the REAL fire scene.

so on a random day, squirrelflight and the three were walking in the forest , minding their own business, when it started raining for no reason. they were finding somewhere to shelter from the rain when they saw a nice looking house. so they ran in , without thinking that maybe , I don't know, a crazy blondie lived there? cuz this is a fairytale, and fairytale characters are dumb that way.

they got in the house to dry up, and decided that they were HUNGRY , so hollyleaf made some porridge, cuz the others were too mouse brained to make them. but we can't blame them . one blind, one way too clumsy and the other one probably microwaved her meals . as squirrelflight was about to eat the porridge, SUDDENLY THE HOUSE WAS ON FIRE! *AHHHHHHH!* and ASHIELOCKS BURSTED INTO THE ROOM ! the three was really scared so they hid behind squirrelflight. "SQUIRRELFLIGHT !" ashielocks roared , his moonkitti blond hair flowing behind him."YOU INSULTED MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD IT FEELS LIKE ? ITS LIKE BEING CUT OPEN EVERY DAY, BLEEDING ONTO THE STONES...!" " wait, your hair can bleed?"piped, lion blaze, cuz he was a bit stupid. "THAT'S NOT THE POINT, IDIOT ! THE POINT IS THAT YOUR MOTHER INSULTED MY HAIR ! SO IM GOING TO SMASH HER PORRIDGE ! BWA HA HA!"

the three : *gasp* YOU CAN'T PORRIDGE IS HER FAVORITE

squirrelflight : you know wut ? I DUN FRIGGING CARE I DON'T EVEN LIKE PORRIDGE !

EVERYONE** : *GASP* WHAT?!**

squirrelflight : I ONLY PRETEND TO LIKE PORRIDGE CUZ MY DAD LIKES IT! IN FACT , I ONLY LIKE **WAFFLES** !

EVERYONE : GASP

MOUNTAIN SHINE : GASP

HER POPCORN : ALSO GASP

HOLLYLEAF_** : MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE**_

ashielocks : BWA HA HA ! THEN IM GONNA TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU HATE PORRIDGE ! BWA HA HA!

**then he runs out the door, never to be seen again. **

why ? cuz hollyleaf killed him the other day .

and so, the three and squirrelflight lived happily ever after, eating waffles

firestar : but I HATE WAFFLES !

THE END


	8. this stinks

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE

i guess I'll just talk about random stuff.

1\. i was reading the description of darktail

he is a white tom with black spots around his blue eyes, with a black tail.  
mountainshine crying: FINALLY! A VILLAIN WHO IS NOT A DARK TABBY! **THANK YOU STARCLAN!**

mapleshade and breezepelt: WUT ABOUT **US?!**

mountainshine stuffing popcorn in their faces: SHADDAP

by the way 'what about us' is a great song go look it up

2\. grey she cats with green eyes (without stripes)

looks at dovewing: ooo that sounds nice. grey fur with green eyes ( or blue or gold)

looks at needletail: wait have I seen this description before? oh well. at least she's cool.

looks at twiggy

throws Down book: ERIN HUNTER WUTS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY ARE ALL THE MAIN CHARACTER-SHE CATS GREY WITH GREEN EYES NOWADAYS?! TWIGGY IS BASICALLY DOVEWING 2.0 !

3\. we need to put some sense into alderheart

alderheart: i hope I get ivypool as a mentor. she is sooooo friendly!

mountainshine: (thinks of all the fanart she drew about ivypool)(thinks of the last hope)(thinks of the way she fought)um alderheart are we looking at the same cat?

ivystorm ( we where texting): no. no we're not.

later...

alderheart: wow it seems like baefeather (sorry, JAYfeather) actually enjoys being grumpy!

mountainshine: kit, your like, the last one to know.

yellowfang: (smirks)I have taught him well

ok that's it I need a break


	9. Floor is a better name than firestar

Wut the super editions are basically about part 2

floor's quest:

floor : willowpelt just got herself dead and longtail is blinded by fresh kill. hmmmmm...NEVER FEAR! I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THINGS BETTER! i will go find a clan that was casted away cuz there wasn't enough trees in the forest! ( wait... so there's only like, 4 TREES IN THE FOREST?!)greystripe! you lead the clan when I'm gone! I'LL BRING YOU SOUVENIRS!

greystripe (stuffing mouse into his big fat mouth): wait WHAT

later...

floor: wow training kittypets and loners are harder than I thought

new skyclan: WarrIOr cOdE? WUt ThaT? cAN i EAt?

sandstorm: imma train to be a medicine cat! **YAAAAAA AUNT SPOTTEDLEAF HOW DARE YOU WALK IN MY DARLING FLOOR'S DREAMS?! YOU** _**STINK**_! (get it? STINK?)

Mountainshine eating popcorn: even SANDSTORM Is a warrior-med cat? WOW THUNDERCLAN REALLY HAVE A GREAT MEDICAL BACKUP! i mean, just look at the warriors who knows med cat stuff:

brightheart

briarlight

hollyleaf

sandstorm

cinderheart

twigbranch too I guess

skyclan's destiny:

leafstar: I'm so worried so worried so worried

and that's basically IT.

what's the most interesting chapter, you ask?

well, probably the part when THE KITS PLAYED FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER WHILE LEAFSTAR AND BILLYSTORM LOOK AT THEM!

mothflight's vision:

windrunner : you almost killed your dad! i hate you!

later...

I'm so proud of you my daughter!

(actually i quite like windrunner. she's cool. my fav leader from DOTC)

starclan: good job mothflight! you saw something that wasn't really there! from now on you will talk to us every now and then! also, you will make your clanmates eat plants to make them healthier!

mothflight: gee thanks

*micah dies*

cow and mouse: its ok no biggie!

mothflight: FROM NOW ON MED CATS NO HAVE MATES OR KITS!

yellowfang and leafpool: THANKS A LOT (wait gimme a sec...) SEAWEED BRAIN (not wait wrong book)

let's write this line again

take two

yellowfang and leafpool: THANKS A LOT YOU MANGY PIECE OF FOX DUNG GRRRRRRRRRRR

ok random poll:

med cat or warrior?


	10. the naming lesson

hiya peeps just for your information i won't be posting that often anymore cuz it's Christmas and i got a bunch of stuff to do during the holidays.

ok let's just start.

hem hem.

since the leaders were giving their warriors _horrible_ names, yours truly mountainshine da med cat decided to give them all naming lessons.

mountainshine: ok everyone let's start our lesson. now, naming is a very important part of clan life blah blah blah muffins blah blah blah your responsibility blah blah good names makes good warriors blah blah...

blackstar : this stinks imma play animal jam instead. "ten black longs for my seal? jag if deal"

leopardstar : i'm hungry. hey firestar, you wanna share my waffle?

firestar: GET THAT , UH, FILTHY THING AWAY FROM ME! AHHHHHHHHHH

onestar: *runs away

(background music : -and he runs)

leafstar: teacher teacher i thought of a great warrior name!

mountainshine: yes?

ivystorm: umm... NO?!

leafstar: WAFFLECHEESE!

mountain and ivy ( face paws):noooooooooo

blackstar: giveway my den!

leopardstar: come on firestar it taste good!

firestar: I HATE WAFFLES

leafstar: teacher teacher teacher!

mountainshine: i'm outta here

ten minutes later...

mountainshine: class we're going to have a test and then you can go.

there is an apprentice called pinepaw. give him a warrior name.

blackstar: pine_pelt_

mountainshine: that's... a safe name. you could be more creative though.

leopardstar: pinefeather

mountainshine: good

onestar: pinerunner?

mountainshine: not bad

firestar: pineheart

pinestar: hey that was_ my_ name!

mountainshine: so much for copyright. how about you, leafstar?

leafstar: drum roll

leafstar : drum roll

leafstar: PINEAPPLE!AH HA HA!

everyone : nooooooooo

blackstar: hey firestar look there is something new in the diamond shop!

firestar: ooo what is it?

blackstar: it's a waffle chair ( its actually true)

mountainshine was hanging out in outer space, minding her own business , we she heard something:

firestar's fangirl-style scream

firestar:_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_**MERRY CHRISMAS EVERYBODY!**_


	11. CHRISTMAS YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

warrior cats christmas songs:

on the twelve day of leafbare starclan send to meee:

12 claws unsheathing("stupid thunderclan!" "no, YOU'RE STUPID!" "shadowclan, ATTACK!")

11 whiskers twiching (BWA HA HA I HAVE MORE WHISKERS THAN YOU IVYSTORM!)

10 dose of catmint ( jayfeather: hello my darling would you like some honey combs? oh you brought mouse for me? i'm flattered! ah yes, i just baked some waffles, would you care to try some? life is so wonderful! i love my clanmates! i wanna hug every one of them...! mountainshine: *backs away slowly*)

9 kits in starclan ( hopekit: got you! now you're the cat, bagerfang!)

8 cats hunting (leafstar in skyclan and the stranger: ok guys we are hunting at night so you are gonna hunt in groups of eight! skyclan: *blinks* ...wut?)

7 tasty waffles (firestar runs away screaming)

6 journeying cats (crowpaw: shadowrclan sucks! windclan rule! tawnypelt: IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN ILL TEAR YOUR PELT OFF! squirrelpaw: PEOPLE IM STUCK! feathertail: calm down guys... stormfur: ooo pretty she cats! brambleclaw: ...this sucks)

5! PRO-PHE-CIES! (starclan: shoot i can't think of any more prophecies !)

4 bored leaders (firestar:our clan good hunting onestar: me too leopardstar: yeeeeep blackstar: ...WELL i guess its time to go home. GATHERING OVER! BACK TO CLAN!)

3 grumpy med cats (cough cough jayfeather yellowfang goosefeather cough cough)

2 littermates (squirrel & leaf, dove & ivy, blue & snow, twig & violet, the list goes on and on and on and on and on for some reason the erins love the idea of two siblings i wonder why and on and on and on...)

and

A LIONBLAZE IN A PINE TREE!

HELP I CAN'T GET DOWN!

meanwhile in starclan...

the kits: goosefeather goosefeather!

goosefeather in a horrible mood : for goodness sake WUT?!

kits: can you sing us a christmas song ? pwease pwease pwease...

an annoyed goosefeather: fine fine! here goes:

hem hem.

crashing through the snow, on a pear of broken ski,

over the hills you go, smashing into trees.

you thought you were dead, the snow was turning red,

and you WOKE UP IN THE MED CAT DEN WITH STITCHES IN YOUR HEADS!

kits: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

runs away

goosefeather: its a good thing i search for grumpy cat memes everyday.

wellp

_**I WISH YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HOPE YOU GUYS GETS LOTS AND LOTS OF PRESENTS!**_


	12. try sing just try firestar succeeded

ok guys I know this doesn't relate to warrior cats in any way whatsoever, but its real funny

I was playing with Google translate, and I translated all is found ( 1~2 stanza ) and...

just read

sing if you can

If there is air in the sea, such as north He is full of memories of the river that has passed Sleep calmly and friendly For this reason, he found The water is deep and accurate. Just reply Divide your own voice But don't distract Merget If there is air in the sea, such as north He is full of memories of the river that has passed Dear sleep, health and safety Because the river and everything The water is deep and accurate. If you say this, your answer will not be retained Immerse yourself in the sound But drink a lot

if you can sing it you deserve to become a god 


	13. Wut the wiki doesn't tell you

Nightcloud ~

is actually a part time DJ

shadowclan use to book her for their monthly disco party, and her greatest hit was shut up and fight, which is about herself beating up crowfeather.

usually either blackstar or russetfur wins the dance off. i wonder why.

mountainshine adding more butter to her popcorn: mostly because blackstar is the judge but whatever no one needs to know that.

but the shadowclan cats don't mind unless he started singing. he sounds like a dying chicken. (that's the main reason why nightcloud doesn't go to shadowclan that often anymore)

Shadowclan~

their apprentice training includes baking. they have their lesson at the edge of thunderclan territory just in case an apprentice accidentally burns down the oven.

every Christmas they send firestar a box of freshly baked waffles, just for a good laugh

Ivypool~

she is actually a youtuber who makes videos that are way too sarcastic for your own good.

once dovewing invited her to be a guest speaker for her show 'flirting 101' but immediately got kicked off after she said 'the fastest way to get a gentletom's heart is through his 4th and 5th ribs' , which I think is perfectly fine.

Yellowfang~

ever wonder what's she doing in the medicine den?

she is a radio host alongside cinderpelt.

yellowfang is the swag queen, and cinderpelt is in charge of laughing at her bad jokes, because that's what sidekicks are for.

('why did firestar cross the road? to kill shadowclan for giving him waffles for Christmas!' 'BWA HA HA THATS SO FUNNY AH HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!' 'do you have any idea what i just said?' 'yaaa...no.' )

if you like these, please tell me in the review column and I'll do more. feel free to give me requests for certain characters, and I'll try to tell you what they are really like.

have a nice 2020 and off I go to get back my popcorn, which is sadly taken away by a certain cat.


	14. the wiki never tell you anything

request from ivystormrandomness : mothbae and jaybae

well i was expecting those 2. they are cool.

Mothwing-

she is a professional ice skater, and also one of the best. she has been the champion of the clans' annual ice skating competition for three years in a roll(cuz she isn't _that_ old)

in case you want to know, leafpool is usually in second place, but some says she's actually even better than mothwing.

random kit : than why isn't leafpool in first place?

mountainshine randomly toying with her popcorn: cuz mothwing giggles and winks at her whenever she is doing too well, making leafpool gawp at her and forgets whatever she's doing.

Jayfeather-

he is a fortune teller, and he is especially good at predicting dreams. its easy, really. he just hack in their dreams that night and pretend to be , well, whatever he said they will dream about last night.

he once pretended to be a flying hedgehog by sticking thistles to his fur and making a pair of wings out of palm leaves, and scared the soul out of brambleclaw.

lionblaze-

he occasionally rents himself out as a lionskin rug to the nearby hunting lodge.

why a lionskin rug?

because he looks nothing like a bearskin rug.

hollyleaf-

she is an archaeologist, going down the cave to investigate whenever she can.

so far she has discovered a new dragon specie (no, not a dinosaur), and she named it the hollyleafosaurus, also known as the night fury. it looked _a lot_ like her.

tigerheart-

he cheats at poker. enough said.


	15. firestar VS ivy and mountain

hey guys so for not uploading for two months or something.

anyway so today we are gonna have a joint story, which is basically like two authors writing the same story, swapping turns , they're really fun to make because you don't know what is gonna happen next( and easy to make, because you can use WhatsApp (a texting app ) )

oKAY here we go

ivy: life happened

mountain : when life give you lemons

ivy :no lemons thank you thank you

ivy : smuch

mountain : wut?

ivy : squishes

mountain: sits on it

ivy: eats

ivy: screams

ivy: bleach i puked

mountain: hands you water

mountain: gets vomit on hand

mountain: slaps ivy

ivy: gets vomit everywhere

mountain: remember accidentally giving ivy willow to eat that morning

mountain: face paws

ivy: oh noooooo

mountain: runs away

mountain: gets huge bucket

ivy:bad things happen

ivy: bucket has hole

mountain:spills on floor

OMG

FLOOR

firestar was covered in puke.

INSANE FIRESTAR FANGIRL SCREAM

ivy: continues to puke

mountain: pushes ivy away

mountain: pushes too hard

ivy: falls

mountain: trips over ivy

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

mountain: also falls

ivy: oFf dA cLiff

mountain: lands on waffles

ivy: squish

firestar : BUT I HATE WAFFLES

ivy: POIIIIIIINT

mountain: yes ma'am?

ivy: please eat the waffles

mountain: eats too fast

mountain: pukes all over the floor

firestar aka floor: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

he was ignored

mountain: high fives ivy

ivy and mountain: runs back to shadowclan med cat den before firstar stops screaming and starts chasing them

...

firestar : why am i in shadowclan territory?

HE WAS ON SHADOWCLAN LAND ALL ALONG

'AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII' screamed firestar, as he was chased back to his own territory by the whole of shadowclan.


End file.
